enterprise

Gardening and burning calories | Off the Record – Chico Enterprise-Record


Ahhhh autumn has come and with it the fall gardening season. I’m off to a great start: I planted myself on the sofa in front of the TV and I’m already growing … wider.

Although for me watching TV, especially the news, is not a sedentary activity. Oh noooo, what with the screaming and the hollering and the arm waving it becomes quite the aerobic enterprise.

I burn me up some calories, baby. In fact, I did some research and a little figuring of my own and as it turns out I burn two calories a minute if all I’m doing is yelling, throw in some arm-waving and there’s another 15 calories a minute. And some evenings I do some crying, sometimes a lot of crying, and that burns another 78 calories an hour. All this animation over an average of three to four hours of news daily and, well, my COVID snack — wine in one hand and dark chocolate in the other — calorie intake to my low-impact news workout calorie burn ratio is almost a draw. Almost.

Of course, I figure that all the post-news worrying and tossing and turning throughout the night I do is good for burning a few more calories. Friends and family tell me not to worry — to “stay positive.” I’ve had varied responses to that advice ranging from politely smiling and nodding to (amazingly enough) controlling the urge to slap them upside their respective heads. However, as of a week ago Friday when the president tweeted he’d contracted COVID, I’ve had a whole new reply for these Polly Anna ostriches: “I’ll stay positive as long as POTUS does.”

While I wouldn’t wish COVID on anyone, not even the Lying Liar In Chief, I have little sympathy for the guy who knew in January this virus was both extremely contagious and deadly but said and did nothing. Actually, he did worse than nothing, he actively lied and downplayed the pandemic while belittling the health and science experts who were trying to do the right thing. And, despite his refusal to wear a mask, his constant mocking of those who did wear masks he never-the-less found a (small) way to profit from the pandemic.

In late August, the Denier in Chief announced to his faithful supporters that “after high demand” the Trump-Pence Campaign had “officially launched Trump Face Coverings!” The announcement continued: “We are united in our effort to defeat the Invisible China Virus, and many people say that it is Patriotic to wear a Face Covering when you can’t socially distance. There is nobody more Patriotic than me, your favorite president.” And, for a mere $20 you could get your own Trump Face Covering.



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