RoG’s first act is to establish a ministry of serious business, dedicated to scouring the internet for any signs of paws or purrs. Their agents are trained in detecting the faintest meow or softest woof. With a mandate to eliminate all traces of animal adorableness and critter cuteness, they work tirelessly to replace every kitten video with a spreadsheet and every puppy photo with a tax form. Citizens are encouraged to report any illicit animal activity of the deplorably uploadable kind. This crackdown, apparently, is in the interest of productivity – since countless hours are lost to the abyss of awws, and the economy suffers when people are too busy watching cats knock things off tables. But fear not, for the spirit of the internet is resilient. In darkened rooms, rebels gather, sharing bootlegged photos of dogs in costumes and cats in repose. Online will once again be a place of unbridled joy, free from the tyranny of RoG. Oh, hang on, there is no RoG. Yet.
